


Of darkness...

by rdk



Series: Loving Regina Mills [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5433179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rdk/pseuds/rdk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina has never been happier but she knows "happy ever after" doesn't exist in the real world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of darkness...

This wasn't your plan. You didn't plan to be head over heels for a blonde. To be waiting for a text message like some cloying teenager in love. To run off your office to see her. To see them. You didn't plan to have your whole world spinning around them. Maybe him but not them. Of course not.

We are not going to say this is a mistake, because both of you refuse to call it that, even if in the future this ends up being a chaos, you made a promise. You will not call it “mistake”. You wanted this. You want this. Her. Him. You want this family, you want your son with you and the other mother of your son. And it was a lovely surprise to see this new side of Emma Swan. She said she wanted to be with you and she is showing it, she doesn't exhibit you but she doesn't hide you either, she is with you and it doesn't matter if you are alone at home with her and Henry or in the middle of Granny's. If she wants to hold you hand, she does it. If she wants to kiss you goodbye, she does it. And she doesn't think she needs to give explanations to anybody. This relatioship is yours, and yours alone. If Emma Swan has to give explanations about it to someone, it would be you. Or Henry. That's it.

And that makes you happy. And that terrifies you. Because this is the first relationship you really feel after Daniel. You really want this and you are scared. Because you know that if something can go wrong, it'll go wrong and this feels strangely perfect and perfection doesn't exist. So you are kind of waiting for something to happen and drag this happines from you again. It could be you. It could be the darkness that is still inside you. You could want to be powerful again, you could fall in Gold's tricks, or you could just be more scared than now and give up on everything. 

God, it could be anything. Literally anything.

You know how darkness works, you know once you have your heart stained with it, it never goes away. Not really. It doesn't matter how much good you've done until now, that black spot is still there and it could destroy what you have with Emma and Henry. You have never believed in God but you pray, not to him, not to someone or something in particular, but when you are alone and the fear appears to make you company, you pray. You find yourself begging to be stronger, for them and for you, because you don't want to lose them. You don't want to lose what all of you have built in these months. 

You don't want to lose yourself again in the dark. 

And it's so easy, you've seen Rumpelstiltskin, how he could have what you have right now and he chose the power, the loneliness, the darkness. That could happen to you too and you know it. You can't see you doing it because really, there's nothing better than going home and find Henry doing his homework in the kitchen while Emma is trying to cook something amazing using a Youtube tutorial. That image makes you smile. It makes you want to stop the time, just a little, so you can look at them, and how perfectly they fit in you life. You knew Henry would always fit in your life and that seemed good enough, but now with Emma it just got better. Like all of this was meant to be. The three of you together. Like a family.

So you are going to keep praying, hoping someone or something can hear you. Wishing you could be strong enough in case you need to be. Wishing you'd never have to make a choice because you don't trust yourself even if they trust you. Wishing they would fight for you if you fail. Wishing the darkness would give you a rest after so many wars. Wishing the light they have, would be enough to calm the dark you have inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm not sure if the last paragraph is correct, grammatically speaking, suddenly I forgot how to write in English.... fuck my life.


End file.
